The Flat Share – Chapter 11

“Right get me a screwdriver.”

“Oh, come on Joanie, you can’t break into her room.”

“Just bloody watch me. Aren’t you insulted? Why aren’t you incensed?  This is your bloody flat Charlie, it’s your home and this, this person who you don’t know from Adam has come in here, and put a bloody lock on the door.  You should be furious, okay if she had asked, well if she had asked I still would have been offended but, well for pity’s sake, don’t be such a wet dishcloth.  Oh, I can’t believe you some times, you just don’t stick up for yourself do you, never, ever.  You never have, you can’t let her come in here, waltz back and forth with no explanations, bring crap into the house in the middle of the night.  You haven’t even had a proper sit down with her yet have you, you haven’t sorted out any house rules, nothing.

“What if she turns up tomorrow with a pack of mates, they trash the place and then bugger off.  What’re you goin’ to do then, tidy up and not say anything in case she gets upset?  Don’t you see, puttin’ this lock on the door, she’s saying she doesn’t trust you, she’s sayin’ that she thinks that you’re going to go into her room and root around in her stuff.”

“Well, you are, we are, I did.”

“Oh bloody hell, you’re missing the point again aren’t you.  Yes, okay you did, but you did it in all innocence, you were taking her coffee, servin’ her bloody breakfast in soddin’ bed.”

“Yeah but I’m not taking her coffee now am I, we’re just breakin’ in now aren’t we.  I don’t think we should do it, I really don’t.”

“Oh stop that now, don’t start bloody blubbin’.  Look, in this day and age you have to get real, you don’t know what she’s got in there.  She could have a bomb factory.”

“Oh my god, she hasn’t has she, oh shit, shit, d’ya think, no, no that’s ridiculous, of course she hasn’t.”

“How do you know, you have no idea who she is, where she’s from, who her friends are.  It’s our duty to go in here and to find out what’s going on.  Then you can have a talk to her, if she is still wanting a lock on the door, well it’s up to you what you agree, personally I think it’s an insult.  I mean, a lock on the inside I can understand, in case she needs to be private, but this, this, no I’m sorry Charlie it’s just not on.  Give me that bloody screwdriver.  If you want to go and sit in the lounge while I do it, well go on then, but I’ll think you’re a wuss.”

“Oh, go on, just get it done with now, I’ll never sleep else, I’ll keep imagining her making bombs and all sorts of things.  You realise she’ll probably want to move out now don’t you.  You’d better help me get another flat mate.”

“I’ve told you I will.”

“Well, see it wasn’t a very big lock and it came off really easily, maybe she’s got some sort of phobia or something and she just needs to have a lock.”

“Oh shut up you twit.”

“Well, she might have.

“Right look over there beside the wardrobe, a pile of boxes. It’s like I told you they’re all the same and all sealed.”

“Yeah, no way that’s her stuff.  Oh well, in for a penny in for a pound as my old nan used to say.”

“What are you doin’, stop it Joanie, stop it, don’t, you can’t open them.”

“Oops, look the tape split when I accidentally touched it with the screwdriver. Bloody hell look at this.”

“What, what is it.”


“Oh my god, no, what sort, do you know how to tell, is it Cannabis, Heroin, what.”



“Viagra, boxes and boxes of Viagra.”

“What, let me look.  How weird, what do you reckon they’re for.”

“Really hard to say.”

“Joanie, don’t be so bloody daft, stop it, stop laughing, this isn’t funny, it’s not funny at all. Oh shit, that was the front door.”




Filed under Serials, Shorts and Stuff

4 responses to “The Flat Share – Chapter 11

  1. A bomb factory, that got her going – Viagra – cool. The ideas you come up with 🙂


  2. Oh, oh! She’s in for it now! Viagra! I did not see that coming! I love it! 🙂


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