The Flat Share – Chapter 12

“No, no it’s okay, it’s only Barmy Barry downstairs, he always slams it, prat.”

“Phew, okay.  Now what are we going to do about this?”

“Do, how d’ya mean do.”

“Well, what’s our next step, how are we going to deal with this?”

“Oh, I see, well, we can put the lock back on and then not say anything, couldn’t we?”

“Oh for pity’s sake.”

“What.  Oh shit, well I don’t know, I’m just completely fed up of the whole bloody flat share thing now, I wish I’d never thought of it and if it hadn’t been for that bra I wouldn’t have.”



“Did you say bra?”


“What, in the name of erm, well, what on earth has a bra got to do with all of this?”

“Oh, shit, I can’t tell you.  I just can’t.  Don’t make me, please.  I really can’t.”

“You, are seriously disturbed, trust me on this, you are practically certifiable. Here we are in the middle of a drug trafficking situation and you start talking about your underwear, God.”

“No, no, I’m not, it’s not like that, anyway what do you mean drug trafficking, it’s not drugs it’s Viagra.”

“Er. Yeah, duh, that’s not drugs then!”

“Well, I mean it’s not like cocaine or heroin, shit it’s not even cannabis is it?”

“No, no it’s not, but – have you not wondered why it’s here?”

“Well, I erm, oh, I see what you mean.”

“Either she has got a whole herd of really naff, floppy boyfriends or there is something very dodgy going on.”

“Boyfriends?  Oh I see, yeah so she keeps a supply so that if they can’t get it up, whammoo, have some of this.”

“Yes, hundreds and hundreds of whamooos.”

“Hmm, it is a bit odd.”

“Look, as far as I’m aware this is prescription medication and that’s the only way that you can get it legally.”

“Well, yeah but you can get it on the internet, any time you want, well I mean shit we all get spam all the time, you must – we do.”

“And that’s because?”

“Erm, well I suppose because people want it.”

“And they can’t get it can they, so they sell it illegally.”

“Oh yeah. D’ya reckon that’s what she’s doin’ then.  Yeah that must be it, crikey, that’s a bit rich.  Her all Moet and ready meals and she’s a crim.”

“But the thing is where is she getting this in such quantities?”

“Hmm I hadn’t thought of that.  I don’t know how you’d go about buying this.  Blimey she must erm, oh.”

“Exactly, she works in a hospital.”

“Bloody Norah, she must be nicking it from the hospital.  Surely that’s impossible, they must have all sorts of checks and security and stuff, don’t they.”

“Well yes I should think so, but, she works in admin she said – there y’go, fiddle the paperwork and Bobs your box of Viagra.”

“What the hell are we goin’ to do.”

“D’ya know what Charlie, I haven’t got the foggiest idea, I really haven’t.  I suppose that really we should go to the police.”

“Hello, ladies, yes you could go to the police, of course you could.  But then how would you explain this.”

And there she was, large as life standing in the doorway holding out her I’phone, playing a video and guess who was the star, yep me, and guess who was the co-star, yep a very pretty lace bra, centre stage at M&S.


1 Comment

Filed under Serials, Shorts and Stuff

One response to “The Flat Share – Chapter 12

  1. What a sneaky conniving little….you-know-what! That girl sure has Charlotte over a barrel, doesn’t she?


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