“Tell you what Joanie, what if we burn ‘em?”
“Yeah, what if we just take those boxes out into the back alley and burn ‘em?”
“Well, what good would that do exactly?”
“They’d be gone, poof, up in smoke. Problem solved.”
“Oh yeah, great idea. Then when Sammy-bloody-mantha comes back we just say, oh sorry Samantha we decided that we didn’t like all your nasty, nicked boxes of pills cluttering up this nice guest room and so we burnt ‘em.
“Then she’ll say oh, okay, perfectly understandable, have a nice day. Oh for Pete’s sake Charlie, get a grip will ya. Bloody burn ‘em.”
“We could throw ‘em in the canal.”
“Charlie, listen to me, okay. The problem is not four boxes of pills in the corner of your spare bedroom. If that was the problem I would eat the bloody things between two slices of toast.”
“Would ya. Oh, Joanie.”
“Would ya really eat them all, just to… oh I see.”
“Oh my god, what are you like. Where’s your brain at, eh, I can’t believe you hold down a responsible job.
“No, look, we have to find a way to a. get out from under this bra thing and b. get rid of soddin’ Samantha and her mobile dispensary.
“You have to admit that she’s bloody clever, she tied you up and put a bow on top didn’t she. All that food and drink, I knew there was something odd going on there. Now, it looks for all the world as though you are either a heavy duty shop lifter or you’re involved in the drug thing.”
“But, I’m not.”
“Shit, Charlie, I know you’re not. I was just talking it through, d’ya see, sorting it out in my mind. There must be a way out of this.
“Okay, we could get rid of the food and drink, just fling it, we could do the same with the underwear and so on that she’s planted in the drawer, just take that out and burn it, then all she’s got really is that vid. of you doin’ your stuff in Marks.”
“I suppose we could try and just get that off her, break the bloody i-phone, mind you I suppose she’s made copies.”
“Couldn’t we do the same.”
“Same, same as what?”
“Well, couldn’t we film her bringing the stuff, oh no wait she said that she’s not coming, it’s someone else. We have to let them in and so… shit.
“Oh, god Joanie what have I got myself into. I just wanted a treat, now all I want to do is curl up and hide, or run away.”
“Yeah, well neither of those is going to help now is it?
“Eureka, of course.”
“We just take ‘em back.”
“Okay, if there’s no pills here there’s no crime. If there’s no crime there can’t be any blackmail. What if we just take the pills back to the hospital, leave them somewhere and then just get rid of all the other stuff. What’s she gonna do, go to the police with a video of you carryin’ a bra out of Marks and Spencers a week after it happened and say, ‘ooo officer I’ve had this evidence on my ‘phone for a week and now I feel all guilty about it.”
“There’s the money in the bank.”
“Oh for heaven’s sake they have no idea where that came from, tell ‘em you borrowed it from me, I’ll back you up.”
“But, what about the bloke coming tonight.”
“That’s why it’s perfect, just perfect. Okay, this could work. We wait until the bloke comes tonight; we let him do whatever it is he’s going to do. Presumably he’ll take some away and deliver some. Sam-bloody- mantha said herself she wouldn’t be coming. So, we let him take this lot, we grab the new lot, take em back to the hospital and leave ‘em there. Okay, with me so far.”
“But, she’ll come back won’t she?”
“Depends, she might but then again if this works like I think it will she won’t have time, she’ll be so busy trying to get out of shit creek. Anyway if she does we tell her that he took the ones from here but didn’t bring any others.”
“She won’t believe us.”
“She will, she’ll know it’s true because they’ll be back at the hospital causing her all sorts of grief. I’m a genius, repeat after me, Joanie, you’re a genius.”
“Joanie, you’re a genius. Oh, do you think it’ll work do ya.”
“Well, can you see why it wouldn’t? We’ll have to do it straight away, tonight when he/she or it has gone, straight back to the hospital. Are you with me?”
“But why do we have to take ‘em back, why can’t we just dump ‘em.”
“Well, as far as we know she’s fiddled the books, she hasn’t just pinched these from the pharmacy, that would be stupid and probably impossible. Now if we take these back it’s going to cause all sorts of mayhem because she’ll have to explain them. We can just leave them out somewhere really obvious and then the questions will start and she’ll be in deep doo doo. Also we are telling her that the whatever person tonight didn’t bring them, so if they’re at the hospital, trippin’ people up in the corridors it puts us in the clear. They can’t be in the hospital and here can they. Not only will there be no drugs here, there’ll be far too many drugs at the hospital, total confusion. My guess is she’ll be so screwed she won’t have time for you and your bra.
“Are you with me?”
“Yes, I’m scared stupid and a bit confused but yes, course I am.”
“High five Charlie, we’ll fix this, you’ll see.”