The Flat Share – Chapter 19

“Good evening ladies, how are you.  Hello again Ms Reid, how’s the arm.”

“S’alright, bit sore, I’ve got some pills.”

“Yes, yes, good.  Now then, this is all very interesting isn’t it.  Would you like to take a seat Ms, erm?”

“Joanie, Rook.  No, I’ll stand thanks.”

“Oh, well fine, as you wish.  Now then.  You have been busy haven’t you?  My goodness you led us a bit of a dance and no mistake.  You really are going to have to fill me in.  I have to admit that we are totally bemused by your behaviour.”

“Okay, before we go any further, you’ve shown us your i.d. but who are you actually.  And what’s all this we, we business.  Who’s we and, come to that, what were you doing delivering stolen drugs here?  I think this is all bloody odd to be frank, how do we really know that you’re a policeman anyway hmm.  Well, are you going to answer.”

“Okay, Ms Rook.  We, are a team who have been working on this drug scam for over a year.  We, are a squad of police officers who have spent countless hours and endless days and thousands of pounds of public money trying to track down all of you.  It seems that now we have had a small measure of success.  I have to admit that you have puzzled and confused us and that is why I am here now, not to put too fine a point on it, I, we , want to know just what’s going on now.  Why this change in arrangements and just exactly where do you ladies fit into the whole organisation.  You can talk to me now, you can come and talk down at the station, it’s up to you but you might as well start talking because we have you “Bang to Rights” as they used to say.  We have film of you with the drugs and I personally delivered boxes here to this address so let’s not mess about and waste time okay.”

“Oh, Joanie, erm.”

“It’s okay Charlie, leave this to me, yeah.  Okay Mr Policeman.  First of all we are not part of anything; we’re nothing to do with any organisation.  We are victims, here.  Well, me not so much but my friend, Charlie, she’s a victim of blackmail. So, what’re you gonna do about that eh.”

“Blackmail.  That’s a serious charge.  Ms Reid would you like to explain just exactly how you’ve been blackmailed and by whom.”

“Well, erm – shall I Joanie, shall I just tell him all about it?”

“Erm you don’t seem to understand Ms Reid, your friend isn’t running this game, I am, I am a policeman.  The way that it usually works is that I ask you a question, you answer, we don’t often go through a third party.  Oh, unless of course your friend here is a solicitor in which case we can do this officially, I can arrest you if you think that’d work for you.

“The other option is for you to just stop farting about and just answer my question.”

“Hey, are you allowed to use language like that – you being a cop an’ all.”

“Ms Rook, I won’t tell you again, just sit down and shut up.  I don’t think you have yet realised that you are in serious trouble.  Sit down! shut up.”

“Hey, don’t speak to Joanie like that, you shouldn’t be so rude.  This is my house you know.”

“Bloody hell.  Right ladies, let’s stop all this.  Ms Rook please don’t speak again unless I speak to you first.  Ms Reid tell me why you think you’ve been blackmailed, without referring to anyone else.  Just for Christ’s sake tell me about the sodding blackmail.”

“Well, this is not the way they do it in Morse, I’ll bet I could get you into serious trouble yourself Constable, erm.”

“Thorp. Detective Sergeant Thorp.  I’m warning you now, you have just about gone as far as I am going to let you.  Start answering my questions or I will arrest you both now and you’ll be in the nick for the rest of the night.”

“Oh, well okay.  Sos and all that. God.  Right well it was all because of a bra.”


“What, oh have I got it wrong again Joanie?”

“Right, right that’s it, both of you get your coats, we’re going down to the station.”

“No, no, ow, ow, now look you made me move my arm.  I’m supposed to keep it still.  No, come on.  It’s been pretty awful has all this and Joanie’s only trying to help me.  I sometimes open my mouth and put my foot straight in it.  She’s only looking after me, she’s my best friend.”

“Please Ms Reid, don’t start crying.”

“Well, it’s all been horrible, and now I’ve got a broken arm.”

“Look, just tell me about the bra and the blackmail and how you became involved with Ms Turner.”

“Turner, who the – oh you must mean Sam – bloody – mantha. Well, that’s we call her anyway.”

“Okay, yes Samantha Turner.”

“Well, I was short of money.”


“Joanie?  Oh yeah, right, well okay, I advertised for a flat mate. To help with the bills, Samantha applied, she’s very pushy you know and so before I knew what was happening really she had taken the room then she was never here then she brought the boxes and then Joanie well not just Joanie you know really both of us – we – opened them and then she came and saw us and then she just said that she was going to use the room for storage and we had to do as she told us and that was about it really.  Wasn’t it Joanie?”

“Blimey, how did you do that without taking a breath?  Yes, that was about it really officer.  We weren’t ever involved.”

“But, the blackmail, what about the blackmail.”

“Ah, well.  Let me tell this bit Joanie, you weren’t there after all.  That was the bra.”


“Yeah, lace, M&S”

“Oh god.”

“Are you okay constable?”

“Detective Sergeant.”

“Oh yeah, sos.”


1 Comment

Filed under Serials, Shorts and Stuff

One response to “The Flat Share – Chapter 19

  1. Joanie and Charlie are quite the comedy team. Hilarious! They sure flustered that detective! 🙂


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