A FFF piece that was a giggle to write and I hope it makes you laugh

Bob’s Big Secret

The signs had been there for a while; she could see that now, now it was all too late. Mandy had ignored them, not given it much thought in reality, her inexplicably lost items were just another annoyance in her trying and difficult life. She was so busy. Working as one of the university speakers, addressing sixth formers about their options, it was very wearing and Bob had never appreciated just how tiring it was. When she came home absolutely worn out he would just glance up from his computer.

“Oh great, you’re home, are you gonna make a drink.”

He was such a pig, he was at home all day, and okay, she knew that he was working, but surely he could do some chores, just a few things. He could move his plate after his lunch, but no it was always there on the coffee table with dried food stuck to it. He could run the vacuum round or maybe even cook now and again, but no.

“I’m working; I’m not sitting about doing nothing. You have to think of the house as my office.” Huh, if he left his office looking like this he’d have got short shrift. Hmm, perhaps that’d been part of the reason for his redundancy, perhaps his colleagues had found him as difficult as she did.

Then again, when he did do anything he got it all wrong, that’s why things were always missing, well it seemed like it, back then. Whenever he put the laundry away, and for some reason he didn’t mind doing that, everything would be in the wrong place, she couldn’t find her stuff and really in the dark, in the morning having to root around in the drawers to find her knickers was no joke.
That particular Thursday though, that day, she felt lousy, she knew she was coming down with a virus. Her head was pounding, her throat was sore, she just wanted to get home, make a drink and crawl into bed.

She dragged herself up the stairs, glancing into the study as she passed. It wasn’t so surprising that he wasn’t at his desk, she’d had the idea for some time that his day was less than full, and all these commissions he had were accomplished much more easily than he would have her believe. Still the money kept coming in so why worry.

She shoved open the bedroom door and there it was, a sight that would haunt her for the rest of her life, no matter what happened to her in the future, she would never forget it.

First there was the stupid, gormless, shocked look on Bob’s face, his jaw hanging open, lipsticked lips gaping like a great trout, his lined and shadowed eyes popping out like organ stops under the false lashes, the wig, the hideous blonde wig, with a pink bow no less. Possibly worse than that though was the ridiculous jigging, dance he did to try and hide, backing round the bed, his bum stuck out his hands flying to his privates and his knees, his horrible bony knees, encased in black sheer tights jigging up and down as he skittered to hide behind the wardrobe door.

Worse still was the great hairy back and belly, his wobbly bum and his out of condition skinny legs, his bony ankles and there her best black evening shoes, his great feet squashing down the backs and spilling out over the stiletto heels.

The worst though, yes the absolute worst, the most heart-breaking thing of all was the beautiful, sequined, sexy bathing suit that she had bought just the week before. It was stretched and strained, out of shape and bulging, dragged over his great bloated male body, he looked for all the world like some shiny, green whale and to add insult to the injury was the evidence of his excitement, there for all to see, well for Mandy anyway, a lady’s swimming costume was never, ever designed to be that bulging, poking, pointing shape.

Things had been bad for a while, their marriage had been floundering on the rocks but that day, that ghastly awful day that she caught him preening and posing in front of the mirror, well that sank the ship just as surely as the Iceberg had done for the Titanic.


1 Comment

Filed under Serials, Shorts and Stuff

One response to “A FFF piece that was a giggle to write and I hope it makes you laugh

  1. Hilarious! Sounds like she’s much better off without that cross-dressing bugger! lol


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