Monday 21st July
I went over to see Jack. He’s a bit better today and was sitting in the garden in his chair. Chloe was all excited, she had found more photographs. Apparently pulling out all the albums and boxes she decided to clear out the cupboards. It’s typical that, my mum does that, she starts one little job and then leads to something else and something else. Anyway it meant that she found loads of stuff and she thought I might like to see it and there it was – paperwork about her finals with the dates on.
The party when she met Steve was the day after she finished her exams and so I have it, I have the date. It’s June – the 19th June 1987. So that’s it. I can let The Man know tonight. God, I’m so excited.
That was much easier than I could have hoped for, amazing
Course that’s only one step. Now I have to work out how I’m going to stop em getting together. What I thought was that maybe I could hang around outside the place and tell Steve the party’s cancelled or tell Chloe it’s at a different address. So I need to get back there early on the day of the party don’t I. I know where it was by the way. That part was easy because it was in a pub and Chloe says it’s still there because they go to it whenever they go to Nottingham – just for old time’s sake.
I suppose if I stop them getting together there won’t be any old times will there and they won’t do that. Chloe is my mum’s youngest sister, I suppose she’ll marry somebody else. That’ll be odd. Though it won’t be will it because we won’t ever have met Steve because she won’t have fallen for him at the party.
I wonder if I’ll remember. I wonder if I’ll see this other bloke and think – if it hadn’t been for me you would have been Steve. That’s going to be really out there.
I’m going to have to ask The Man if I’ll remember. I need to be prepared for that.
No Steve. That’s weird. No Steve and no Jack. I don’t want to remember. I don’t want to remember Steve and I really don’t want to remember Jack.
Right, when I started writing this I was on a high now I’m bummed.
I just re-read the last bit and it’s not true. I do want to remember Jack. He’s been around for so long and I remember when he was born and then the awful time when they found out he had something wrong with him and then I’ve watched him grow up. I can’t imagine not remembering Jack.
Do you know what I wish? I wish I could just go back and make him well. I wish we could have Jack but for him to be ordinary, just like me. Would he be Jack then though? He’s a few years younger than me and if he wasn’t the way he is perhaps we wouldn’t be mates. He might just be my younger cousin that I see at family parties and stuff.
This is bloody hard.
I need to talk to someone about it all and the only one I can talk to is The Man and he isn’t very helpful. I could just back out couldn’t I – let it all go and forget it.
That’s what I should do, it’s probably all a crock anyway. I mean really I don’t know why I’m wasting my time with this stuff. Well I do, least I think I do. In a way it’s making it easier for me to deal with Jack and the way he is. If I thought that maybe, just maybe there was a way to fix things – well it helps.
I’ve been in touch with The Man. I tried to ask him but he just told me that these were questions that I had to deal with myself.
‘Will I be able to remember Jack?’
‘Is that important to you?’
‘well of course it is.’
‘Then you must consider what the impact will be if you continue with your chosen plan.’
‘but will I remember him?’
‘He will not have existed.’
‘so I won’t.’
‘He will not have existed.’
So that was it, I’m guessing that no I won’t be able to remember him.
Apart from that I still don’t know how this is going to work, not at all. Okay, truth time, I don’t think it is, this is a stupid scam and stupid me is going along with it. There’s no such thing as time travel, of course there isn’t or if there is it’s dead technical with machines and scientists and so on. This is bloody Harry Potter – stupid.