The case of the fight in the big top in Cullompton on Rye
Sparkely Sue from Balwhinnnie
worked at the Circus of Light.
She mucked out the camels each morning ,
and danced on the highwire at night.
She was gorgeous in flashing suspenders,
In diamantes and sequins so gay,
At six forty five every evening,
and the pensioners, cheap matinée.
Now, Walter the big top erector,
Had a secret inside of his head,
He fancied the pants of our Suzie,
and wanted to take her to bed.
He tried to entice her with flowers.
To woo her with chocolates and cake,
but Sue was determinedly single,
and regarded our Walt as a Rake.
No, no she would cry with emotion,
whenever he leered at her bum.
I shall never allow your advances
and what’s more I’ve told your old mum.
But the truth is a little more sordid
than Suzie’s high-flying ideals.
She had lusts of her own towards Nigel
who worked in a tank with the Seals.
She admired his manly demeanor,
and his pectorals, ‘specially when wet.
She wanted to be his beloved
but hadn’t quite managed it yet.
The case reached a nasty conclusion
one night in Cullompton-on- Rye
When Walter found out about Nigel
and gave him a thump in the eye.
Nigel came back with a dropkick
that took out a couple of teeth.
One on the top in the middle,
and another one just underneath.
They rolled in the muck and the debris,
and across the sawdusted floor,
in front of the lion enclosure
where Samson let out a roar.
A constable had to be sent for
to manage the terrible scene,
and they both had to go in the morning,
to tell what the trouble had been.
And now they are both in the choky
existing on water and bread,
and Suzie is living in Stockport
where she’s married a butcher called Fred.
He provides her with brisket and bacon
and sometimes a nice bit of ham,
but whenever she thinks of the circus
she knows that her life is a sham.
She would love to go back to the high wire
to the camels and Nigel and lights,
If only mankind’s basest instincts
didn’t always lead them into fights.
So whenever you visit the circus
and it sweeps you away with delight.
Remember performers are humans
And the magic is only at night.