Anaesthetic


 

“Have you been drinking again?”

“Give us a kiss.”

“No, you heard me, have you been bloody drinking again?”

“Give us a kiss.”

“Oh Bill, you know my mum and dad are coming round and look at you.  You can hardly stand up.”

“Juss wen’ to the pub.  Me and Andy.  Yuss, me an’ Andy had a couple a glasses o’ beer.  You like Andy.”

“Right, right.  That’s it.  This is the last straw.  When my mum and dad go home I’m going with them.  I’ve had enough.”

“Your mum likes me.  Your dad’s a wanker though.”

“BILL. Don’t you use language like that about my father.”

“Well he is.  Just a bit.  Aw Dinah, don’ cry.  Don’ cry Dinah.  I don’ wanna make you cry.  Tell you what I’ve got a present for you.”

“No, no go away.  I’ve had enough.  I’m leaving you Bill Fosdyke.   I can’t put up with your drinking any more.

No, no stop it, get your hands off me.  Don’t try and kiss me you stink of booze.”

“I got you a present.  I got my little Dinah a present.”

“That’s not going to work.  You can’t get round me like that so don’t try.”

“Don’t you wanna know – hic- wha’ it’s, what the present is.  I put it in the caravan.”

“In the caravan, what are you talking about?”

“I pu’ my Diamond Dinah’s present in the caravan in the garden.”

“What, you haven’t been sick have you.  If you’ve been sick in the caravan sink again you won’t know what hit you.  Oh Bill, why, why do you do it.”

“I’m sorry Dinah. I just, well I just – oh I dunno.  C’mon.  C’mon and see your present.” …

“What on earth – Oh Bill.  Bill it’s a puppy.  You got me a puppy.

Hello cutey, hello you little love, come on come here.  Oh Bill, she’s gorgeous.  Thank you.”

“Not leavin’ me now though.  Not goin’ to your dad’s.”

“Oh Bill you know I won’t leave you.  But, you really are going to have to do something about your drinking.  Will you Bill, will you get some help?”

“Will you come with me?”

“Of course I will.  Thank you for the puppy Bill.  What’s her name?”

“Wha?”

“Don’t fall asleep there, not in the garden.  Come on in the house.  Let’s get you off to bed.  I’ll tell Mum and Dad you had a migrane.”

“I love you Diamond Dinah.”

“I know love, I know.”

“I only, it’s only, I miss her Dinah.  I miss our Lottie, and sometimes it’s too hard and I can’t take it and the drinkin’ it stops it ‘urtin’ so much…”

“I know love, I miss her as well but there’s nothing we can do.  She’s gone and we only have each other now, just you and me for always.  Oh but now we have this little lovey don’t we.  What’s the puppies name Bill.”

“Wha’.  Puppy, cutey little puppy.”

“Yes, has she got a name?”

“Yes, Little puppy.  “Aardvark”.  Tha’s puppies name “Aardvark”. Cos it was ard wark gerrin’ ‘er home, dya get it ard wark he he he.”

“Oh Bill, come on let’s get you off to bed.

 

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