The Flat Share


flat share

Chapter 10

“Hiya, over here.”

“Hello Joanie, you okay. Oh you got them in already, cheers.  God what a bloody day, Steve was in one of his moods and then the computers went down at five to five.  I didn’t think I’d get away, but in the end we just left poor old Phil struggling with them.  It’s going to be mayhem tomorrow trying to find out if we lost anything and then catching up.  Hmmm, lovely, this’ll cheer me up.  You not having your usual?”

“Nah, fancied a change, this is nice, it’s ages since I had a shandy.”

“Anyway, what sort of a week have you had, any more funny goings on with Shitty Samantha?”

“Aw, don’t call her that, it’s not nice.”

“Well, what’s she been up to? Any more Moet? Or just caviar in the fridge and vodka in the freezer?”

“No, no, no more stuff like that.  Oh, look, don’t go off on one when I tell you this ‘cos I’m already upset, worried I suppose, so just listen and don’t start ranting and raving till you’ve thought about it.”

“Oh, shit what now, she’s moved her boyfriend in hasn’t she, I told you she was no good, would you listen, would you hell.  Oh, honestly…”

“No, no, look I said listen, will you bloody listen.  No, she hasn’t moved anybody in, least I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think so, what the hell do you mean you don’t think so.  Oh she’s locked you out, you idiot, you’ve let her take over the place, oh honestly.”

“Shit Joanie, will you shut up.  Let me tell you please.  I need to talk to you, please just listen, you’re winding this up so much that when I tell you now it’ll sound stupid and it’s not.  I’ve been worried about it and I just knew you’d be like this.”

“Okay, sorry, sorry.  I’ll listen, it’s just that I know that there’s something odd going on and I’m worried, the sooner you get rid of her, the better.  Right, aw come on don’t go and cry on me now, I’m sorry.  Right I won’t speak.  Out with it, what’s happened?”

“Oh, bugger.  Okay, well that night, after you’d been round, yeah.”

“Yeah, the champagne thing.”

“Right. Well, I woke up in the middle of the night and she was clonking about on the stairs.  She’d fallen over she said.”

“I thought she’d gone to bed, she said she was knackered.”

“Yeah, well this was ages later, early hours really and she’d fallen on the stairs and that’s what woke me up.  Anyway, she was bringing some more boxes in, and taking them into her room.  She said that it were stuff from her mates, stuff she’d been storing.”

“Oh, well she’ll have to shift it all again at the end of the month when you tell her to bugger off won’t she.  Actually, no don’t wait, you don’t have to tell her at the end of the month, tell her now.  You’ve haven’t signed anything have you?”

“No, oh but no I can’t, I mean, aw come on she’s got nowhere to go.  I can’t.  Anyway let me finish telling you.”

“Yeah, right. So she’s moved all her crap in.”

“Well, yeah but the thing is, I don’t think it was.”

“Don’t think it was what?”

“Her crap.  If it was all her stuff, it’d ave been in boxes and bin bags and stuff wouldn’t it.  God when I moved I had stuff loose, pans in the car boot and, oh d’ya remember my knickers in the knife drawer and  Billy found em and thought they were dishcloths, oh God.”

“Yeah, well that was some move, talk about disorganised.  Anyway, carry on.”

“Well, all the boxes were the same, the same size, the same colour.  Okay I only saw five, outside her door but they were just neat little cardboard boxes, all sealed and new looking.”

“Well, yeah that is a bit weird.”

“Well, anyway – the thing is.”

“Oh, what, there’s something else.”

“Well, when I got up on Thursday morning she’d already gone to work.  There was a note on the table and she said she wouldn’t be back until Saturday.”

“Right, more of the same then.”

“Well, yeah but the thing is she’s put a lock on the door.”




“She’s screwed a padlock to the door, it’s not very big, only teeny really, there’s a little hasp thing and an eye and then the lock.  D’ya think it’s odd?”

“Odd, do I think it’s odd, bloody Norah, yes I think it’s odd.  Right finish your drink, we’re going round to yours right now and that bloody lock is coming off.  The nerve, the cheek, bloody hell.  Come on.”




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