The Flat Share

Chapter 16

“Right, now – I’m going to nip home and get the car and tell Billy I’m staying over with you, he won’t care he’s playing World of War Craft tonight.

While I’m gone I want you to take all those nicked undies and go through ‘em and take the tickets and labels off.  Take the ones in boxes out and so on.”


“Well, it just seems wrong to fling ‘em so I thought that we could take ‘em and put ‘em in the Sally Army clothes skip round by Tesco.”

“Brilliant.  Right I’ll do that.  Aaah, but wait, wait. What if the drug bloke, woman, person comes while you’re not here.  No, no, can’t I come with you?”

“No, you don’t want him turning up and not being able to get in.  If he does that, he’ll call Sam-bloody-mantha and then she’ll come round with the key and it’ll all go horribly wrong.  Don’t you understand, this whole plan hinges on him coming round on his own so that we can tell her ladyship that he never brought any more drugs?  We have to shift the spotlight from us to him.”

“Oh, yeah, I suppose. Don’t be long though.”

“For heavens sake Charlie, stop panicking.  Just tell yourself that the worst has happened and it’s all up from here.  Well, if the idea works that is.  Okay I’m off, I’ll be about an hour I should think.  If he comes before then let me know and I’ll scurry back so we can act quickly.”

“You know Joanie, I’m beginning to get the idea that you’re actually enjoying this.”

“No, no, ‘course I’m not, don’t be daft, why would you say that?”

“Well, it’s just that you’ve got a glint in your eye and you just seem quite excited.”

“No, no you’re just imagining it, right, let me go or I won’t be back in time.” …

“Hello, this is Joanie.”

“God Joanie I wish you wouldn’t answer your ‘phone like that it’s so naff.”

“Sorry, sorry can’t help it, it’s habit now.  At least I didn’t sing it did I?”

“Well no but the hint was there, anyway listen , he’s been.  He was only a little bloke.  He hardly said anything, just knocked on the door and then brought in six boxes.  He actually asked me where I wanted ‘em can you believe it.  Just as if he was delivering the Tesco shop.  Anyway, I just pointed to the spare room and he took the other boxes and left the new ones in the same place and then just went.  It was really weird.

“What shall I do now?”

“Just get them by the door so that we can be quick and then be ready.  I’m leaving now and then as soon as I get there we’ll stick the stuff in the car and then take it to the hospital and go to the clothes skip on the way, okay.”

“Yeah, okay.  Joanie.”


“Thanks, you know – just thanks.”

“Oh shut up.” …

“I think I’ll drive in the side entrance to the hospital, there’s a car park near to the out patients up there, least there used to be and we can nip straight in.  From what I remember there’s a little corridor there and some loos and stuff and we can just dump the boxes there and be out as quick as we can.”

“Right, there, there look, Patient and Visitor parking.  Oh bloody hell. I haven’t got any change with me.”

“What do you want change for?”

“The parking ticket, it’s pay and display here now.”

“What, shit, we haven’t got time for all that bollocks.  We’re supposed to be carrying out a covert operation here, we don’t have time for bloody parking tickets.”

“See, I knew you were enjoying it, covert operation, you are aren’t you, you’re enjoying it?”

“Oh shut up.  There’s a space over there.  Now when I stop you nip out and grab half the boxes, I’ll get the others, we dash in dump ‘em as quick as we can, out again and you know with luck it’ll all be over.  Ready.”

“Right, right, ready.”…

“Excuse me, excuse me ladies.  Just a moment please.  Er, ladies.”

“Oh shit, shit.  Joanie, it’s a security guard.”

“Oh bugger.”


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Filed under Serials, Serials, Shorts and Stuff

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