You know what happened after that. I ran to the house and called an ambulance and your police car turned up with it. The first bloke, the copper in uniform told me I had to stay in the caravan until he said different and that was it. Your guys took over and there we are.
A coupla days later Mr Simm, the solicitors came to see me. I was gobsmacked when he told me what Mr C. had done. I know people think that in some way either me or Smithy or maybe both of us did something to him, but we didn’t. I can’t say any more, just no we didn’t. I wouldn’a known how to and Smithy – Smithy would never do anything bad to anyone. He wouldn’t. I wish you’d known him, just met him for a bit and you’d believe me then, you would.
Mr Chambers left me the caravan in his Will. He left me the caravan for ever it’s mine. I still can’t believe it. He left me that and the bit of woods where the blackbird lives. He left me some money, but I don’t know yet how much. Mr Simm says it’s enough to see me through college. As well as the caravan he arranged for me to have a place at the college to study about conservation and wildlife and stuff. In the Will he said he thought that was where my heart was and so it was where my life should be. If we’d forced him to do it would he have written something lovely like that, would he?
He was wrong though. I’m chuffed to bits I really am and I’m gonna work so hard to be sure he’d be proud of me and it’s exciting, but he’s wrong, about where my heart is. Smithy and Mum when they went off, just dissolved in the air they took it with them. Since that happened I have felt as though I’m only half here. I get up in the morning and I hear the blackbird and go out to sit in the sunshine and it’s empty and there’s no Smithy. I love the thought that I’ve got the caravan and Mr Simm says nobody can take it away, but I’d give it away I really would if it meant Smithy would come back.
I know now what Mr Chambers – poor old bugger – meant when he said what he said about giving everything up just to have one hour with his son. I’m sorry I’m crying now I really am, but I can’t help it. I didn’t do anything to hurt Mr C. Smithy couldn’t and wouldn’t no matter what anyone says and if I could turn back time, I’d stop us coming here I really would, and I’d still be on the road with him and I wouldn’t feel empty and alone.
I know what people are sayin’, I know that they think Smithy ran off, I don’t know how they can to be honest. All the people that he met, the ones from the charity shop and the ones in town, they must know he just couldn’t hurt anyone. Anyway, I can’t change the way people are, I’ve told you what happened and that’s it.
It’s gone so fast, when I think about it all now, it’s not even a full year yet since Mum died and look at what’s happened to me. I’ve been down about as far as it’s possible to go, further than I would’a ever expected, I’ve moved on and, well it looks like I’ve moved up in some ways. I’ve got the caravan and college and I can see where I’m goin’, incredible. I’m different now, I know more, and I know that it’s okay to ask for help but that I have to keep it together, okay I didn’t want it to be this way, but it is and so I have to deal with it.
I’m gonna go to the funeral and hold my head up amongst all those people and I’m gonna do the best I can to make this all work out, but I wish I had Smithy and I wish I had my mum. One thing I don’t wish, and I know it’s daft of me to say I, here with all of you thinking what you’re thinking, but I don’t wish Mr Chambers was still here. He didn’t want to be here, he wanted to be with his son and maybe his wife and if you’d seen them hugging each other there in the wood and then the way that they just walked off together through the trees you wouldn’t want him to give it up either.
Can I go now, Mr Simms said that Mr C died of a heart attack and you can’t say any more than that and I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to go and sit in the edge of the woods and listen to the blackbird and try to get my heart back.